Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Pretty safe to vent here... and it is a pity party blog

I don't have to worry about my family reading this so I am safe to "vent" here.

I was recently told that I was a hateful person and that I don't do anything for anyone. I find that so hard to believe. I mean, I have given up the 1st year of my marriage to be here. We pay for anything that is needed, we have NO alone time, I have no friends because I sit in this house. I do so much more than what I should be expected to do.

But I am so hateful. I guess I am. I am becoming angry that I have given up everything and am treated like crap. My family doesn't call and check on me, its all about Billy/Mom/Desiree. I don't care anymore. But you know if I was so hateful, then I guess I could move to be with my husband and leave everything behind. Yet, I am not that person. I am here to make sure Billy is taken care of. I am here because it would be more devastating to my son to take him away from his Popop at this time. I am here because I know it couldn't be done. David thinks I should leave. But it has everything to do with everyone else and nothing to do about me.

When I was told how hateful I am and that I hate everyone. I was told that EVERYONE sees how I treat people. How I am the one that makes things unbearable. I am the cause of all the problems and everyone sees that. Wow.. what a great thing to say, huh?

I have lost so much. My sister only calls when it is about her and then blames it on me when I say something about it. The rest of my family isn't here. I have lost almost all my friends, cause nobody wants to deal with what I have to deal with. But yet I don't do anything.

Can I be selfish and ask when will it be about me? When will someone step back and say Thanks for everything you have done. I guess never. It will always be about someone else..

1 comment:

The Jones Chronicles said...

I know this doesn't mean much coming from me, but I think you're doing a very noble thing! You've given up being with your husband during your first year of marriage to help your family. Not many people would be willing to do that. The first year is supposed to be all about happiness and love and the honeymoon phase and you're missing out on that. Just remember, you're not doing it for everyone else, you're doing it for Billy and for you! God sees what you're doing and your reward will be great! Keep your focus on Him and nothing else will matter!