Wow. Where has time went? I will never know. But I have decided a few things that might help our situation.
If you know me, you know I read more than should be allowed. David has told me that if I keep reading I will turn into a book! =) I like to read my Christian Romance novels and books with good story lines. I have been reading alot of Karen Kingsbury books lately. And the one thing I have figured out from her books is that life is worth living. It doesn't matter how bad it is, or how bad it can get, it can get better.
I have been angry with God because of what is going on in my life. Why didn't He take Billy or heal him? Why is my family going through what we are? But I have decided it is time to allow God to lead and not question Him. That will be hard cause I question everything and I worry more than I read, but I know God will fix it all. I just have to put Him first. He will come before anything else. I will start to put my faith above all else and I know He will take care of me and mine. But where do I start? I need to let go of the angry feelings, the bitterness, the uneasiness I feel. The only way I can do that is to give it up. I will give it up to Him and He will heal me.
I have learned that after He is back where He should be that life will start to get better. I might not be able to live with my hubby but I can love him with everything I have. I can be the wife he deserves. I can give him the time he needs and show him that he is my everything.
I can be a better mother. I can love my child like God loves me. I can give him what he needs. The discipline to make sure he grows up to be a great person, the stability he craves and to hold his hand when his emotions get the better of him.
I can be that friend that I once was. I can show my girls just how much they mean to me. If it just talking to them, or cooking them dinner. I can be there for them.
I can be a much better caregiver for my stepdad. I can pray over him and know that however it turns out that God will heal. I can love him and talk to him and treat him like nothing has changed.
I can be a better daugther. I can understand that my mom is going through more than she should ever have to. I can be more patient and more loving. I can let her vent, or cry and just hold her hand.
Life is full of options for us all. What we do with them is what will decide our future. I have decided it is time to take control of mine and let God lead the way.
Can you help? Can you pray that I find the strength to be that person everyday? Can you send me encourging words? Can you help me find the person I once was and that God will help me be that person?